our friend noah
almost got mugged today
they were like “give us your money”
and he literally was like “no thanks?” and WALKED AWAY
and it worked
WHAT THE FUCK????
me and my friend were walking down the street and she had her phone in her back pocket and she felt someone take it and she immediately turned around, grabbed his arm, and said “phone.” and he just gave it back
WEAK-ASS MUGGERS GOD PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER
I want a superhero movie where the hero dies in the first ten minutes and the woman who was supposed to be the love interest puts on his costume and becomes an even better hero.
I want all of the advertising to be for the hero and none of the marketing to even allude to this death.
imagine all the male tears
Now that’s a movie
I spend so much time alone that if I was ever falsely accused for a crime I would never have an alibi
that moment when you mess up a word so often it becomes a default auto correct
|me:||what are taxes and how do I pay them?|
|school system:||worry not|
|school system:||mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell|
i used to be so weirded out by the fact that everyone takes notes in pen in college because that seems so permanent right, what if you mess up a word, youll have to scribble it out and live with ugly notes
now that i write in pen i realize that i no longer have the strength of will to push down a pencil hard enough to make legible marks. im literally too dead inside to use a pencil. pen is the only way to make proof of my existence at this point
if you try to tell me cold doesnt have a smell you’re wrong
when its really cold you can literally smell how cold it is
OH MY GOD.
I TELL PEOPLE THAT IT SMELLS “SHARP” WHEN IT’S COLD AND PEOPLE THINK I’M FUCKING INSANE.
COLD SMELLS THE SAME WAY SOME METALS SMELL
Rain smells round, cold smells sharp, and spring in general smells curly.
and heat smells fat and heavy
my uncle used to be one of those people who drove dead people to cemeteries and such
then he became a taxi driver and the person he was driving tapped his shoulder to ask a question and my uncle screamed really loud
I’m sure that’s what he thought.
"ummmmm ur bra strap is showing :/ "
i thought this was me at first and i was really confused
thIS WAS A POST ABOUT BRA STRAPS
wtf is going on